Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Dear Tori,

Oh Tori, no, no, no… Just because they CAN PERFORM the procedure, does not mean you need to HAVE the procedure.
Honey, I love you, but when I first saw that picture, I thought ,’Are they making a Muppet’s movie using real people?’ Seriously, you look like Janis the guitar playing band member from The Muppet Show.
Tori, I love the fact that you don’t take yourself too seriously and can laugh at yourself. I am the same way, but there becomes a point when a joke can go too far. Stop before people stop laughing ‘with you’ and start laughing ‘at you’ .
So leave the 2 for 1 coupon from the local plastic surgeon in your purse; keep on driving past Fredrick’s of Hollywood and Claire’s Boutique and go home to spend some quality time with your hottie husband and adorable baby.
But if you absolutely have to work to pay the bills… take some unsolicited advice from a fan who has your best interests at heart. Fire your agent for getting you that Pussycat Dolls gig AND the stylist who put you in that outfit, then hunt down and burn every photo from that event. Afterwards stop and take a deep breath and start gearing up for whatever Lifetime Television movie that will soon be made based on a Ripped from the Headlines story. I am voting for either an out of control pop icon that either looses kids or an out of control starlet who has sex in the bathroom/makeshift meth lab while in rehab. Make it your own, work on your strengths. I have faith in you!
Because seriously, we all love you and want to laugh with you again… instead of, well… I think the picture says it all.